Divorce – a Disenfranchised Grief

In our society, we readily acknowledge that grief follows after a loved one dies. It is expected and accepted but this isn’t the case when the couple divorce or a long-time relationship fails.  They are not given the same compassion as the person whose loved one has died.  Grieving after a relationship fails is rarely acknowledged even by family, friends.  We know that it’s awful and the person will get over it.  Unfortunately, this is not the case as guest expert Diane Valiquette will attest to.

In this episode, you will learn:

  1.  There is so much more to grieve than the relationship itself
  2.  How divorce/breakup grief is more painful than the death of a loved one
  3.  Why grieving a relationship loss can go on for many many years
  4.  The mistakes couples can make when dating again so soon after the divorce/breakup
  5.  A more realistic timeframe to wait before dating to ensure a happier outcome
  6.  The difference in emotional grief experienced by a Dumper or Dumpee
  7.  The biggest mistakes couples make in marrying without testing the relationship or having a clear   sense of who they are
  8. Why so many marriages fail today
  9.  The harm inflicted on children of divorce and what can be done to avoid
  10.  Discover if believing in “the one” is fact or myth
  11.  The secret to living happily ever after

This episode is available on the Lets Talk About Grief Podcast streaming on Apple or Spotify.  Click the link to listen.

 

Why Grief Coaching is Valuable for a Life After Loss

When you lose a loved one, it can feel like a chapter of your own life has ended. But I believe that grief can actually be the start of a new life. I’ve previously experienced the shock, numbness, pain, and confusion of bereavement; now, as a certified grief coach, I know that this is part of the journey. And all journeys lead to something new.

Through Reconnect From Grief, I offer 1:1 grief support to professionals along with advice to businesses on how they can support their employees. Unresolved grief can lead to mental health issues, which significantly impacts on productivity and can lead to large-scale revenue loss. I advise professionals on how to remain focused and teach employers how to manage a team around a grieving member. Grief workshops improve employers’ understanding so they feel less fearful of offering support. Compassion evolves and the grieving employee gains comfort.

Grief support is crucial to feeling less alone and for naturally calibrating one’s internal GPS. My mission is to accompany clients on their journey through grief while honouring their loved ones.

My grief management sessions address mourning, gentle “letting go” and the neutral zone (old life not yet released; new life not yet begun) while teaching clients how to find meaning and hope after loss.

Sometimes, out of tragedy comes a legacy to help others. My legacy is Reconnect From Grief. To find out more or to schedule a grief coaching session, contact me and I’ll be there.

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Life after Loss and Healing

When Death Happens

Outside the day was filling up with its “normal” that of “getting on with life”.  Right now, my life was anything but normal as mum and I left the shelter of the hospital to cross the parking lot toward the car.  Sadly, once in the vehicle, it would speed us away from the hospital where a dad and husband lay.

Where was help when you needed it the most I thought.  I realized no one was coming to save us. I had to be the protector now for mum.  Up until this point it had been Dad’s job. Looking back, growing up both my parents had fiercely protected my sister and me to the point I really didn’t know how or what to do at this moment.  Dad had always been there to ask.

What to do and Figuring it out

Clearly, we weren’t prepared for what we would have to go through and face as a family or alone with our grief.  Somehow we muddled through.  We had to for there was no mentor or guide, it was a “figure it” out as you go along routine.

To begin with, there was help via the funeral folks but after that, we were very much alone.

For me, it was a struggle, I was overwhelmed by life, emotions, and feelings.  Alone, I would journey for a while until I did find help.  I was fortunate, with my nursing background I understood death but for the rest, it was my holistic friends I turned to and relied on to ease my pain.

My Quest into How Others Heal

Over time I wondered, how did others heal and journey through their grief?   My quest began and would be answered only when I did my own research.  Frankly, many people didn’t.  During the search I read about people becoming stuck in their grief, pining and longing for their loved ones.  They would lose their vitality and their own lives as a result.  It was as if they too had died alongside their loved one.  This was tragic.

There were many more people like me who do eventually find their way back to life.  Their lives forever changed as they learned to adapt and grow in ways they couldn’t have expected.  Some would go on to create legacies or help others during their time of grief.

In the next group, these people grieved but got on with their lives fairly quickly after death.  Looking at their characteristics it was noted they were generally happy with their lives and their work fulfilled them.  Yes, they had deeply loved the person they lost but somehow, they didn’t lose themselves in their grief.

Death is about Finding You

It was then I recognized as I was doing my own healing work that the death itself became less about his death and more about finding me.

During our lives, there are many times we will be faced with many challenges and how to deal with them either brings you to your knees or you find a way to get up.  It is in the getting up that so many lessons are learned along the way that contributes to growth.  Life is structured this way and as humans, we are meant to be growing.  This growth then becomes one of the head and heart learning.  We need both if we are to develop wisdom and compassion.

Just knowing so many grieving a loss can lose their way or are unable to move on with their lives.  I wanted to let you know that you can heal your grief and go on to live an amazing life.  To guide you I have developed an online membership group to mentor and guide you through your grief.

I understand first hand what it is like to lose a loved one.  This has taught me the value of empathy and compassion.  Over the years, I have developed tools designed to help and guide you.  If you recognize yourself in any of the categories described above.  Please let’s connect so I can share more about what I do.

Until then

 

Anne