Divorce – a Disenfranchised Grief

In our society, we readily acknowledge that grief follows after a loved one dies. It is expected and accepted but this isn’t the case when the couple divorce or a long-time relationship fails.  They are not given the same compassion as the person whose loved one has died.  Grieving after a relationship fails is rarely acknowledged even by family, friends.  We know that it’s awful and the person will get over it.  Unfortunately, this is not the case as guest expert Diane Valiquette will attest to.

In this episode, you will learn:

  1.  There is so much more to grieve than the relationship itself
  2.  How divorce/breakup grief is more painful than the death of a loved one
  3.  Why grieving a relationship loss can go on for many many years
  4.  The mistakes couples can make when dating again so soon after the divorce/breakup
  5.  A more realistic timeframe to wait before dating to ensure a happier outcome
  6.  The difference in emotional grief experienced by a Dumper or Dumpee
  7.  The biggest mistakes couples make in marrying without testing the relationship or having a clear   sense of who they are
  8. Why so many marriages fail today
  9.  The harm inflicted on children of divorce and what can be done to avoid
  10.  Discover if believing in “the one” is fact or myth
  11.  The secret to living happily ever after

This episode is available on the Lets Talk About Grief Podcast streaming on Apple or Spotify.  Click the link to listen.

 

Healing Journey & Life after Loss

Healing Journey & Life after Loss

When Death Happens

The last thing on my mind, was how would I find my life after this loss.  I didnt recognize that I was about to begin my own healing journey.  Those thoughts were  far from confused mind.  In that moment it was more important for me to find out how I could cope.  My healing journey and finding life after loss  would be part 3 in this journey of mine into grief.

The day dad died, I couldnt quite understand how outside the hospital the day was filling up with its “normal” that of “getting on with life”.  Right now, my life was anything but normal our life had stopped but everyone elses life continued.

Where was help when you needed it the most I thought.  I realized no one was coming to save us. I had to be the protector now for mum.  Up until this point it had been Dad’s job. Looking back, growing up both my parents had fiercely protected my sister and me to the point I really didn’t know how or what to do at this moment.  Dad had always been there to ask.

Figuring it out

Clearly, we weren’t prepared for what we would have to go through and face as a family or alone with our grief.  Somehow we muddled through.  We had to for there was no mentor or guide, it was a “figure it” out as you go along routine.

To begin with, there was help via the funeral folks but after that, we were very much alone.

For me, it was a struggle, I was overwhelmed by life, emotions, and feelings.  Alone, I would journey for a while until I did find help.  I was fortunate, with my nursing background I understood death but for the rest, it was my holistic friends I turned to and relied on to ease my pain.

How Others Heal

Over time I wondered, how did others heal and journey through their grief?   My quest began and would be answered only when I did my own research.  Frankly, many people didn’t.  During the search I read about people becoming stuck in their grief, pining and longing for their loved ones.  They would lose their vitality and their own lives as a result.  It was as if they too had died alongside their loved one.  This was tragic.

There were many more people like me who do eventually find their way back to life.  Their lives forever changed as they learned to adapt and grow in ways they couldn’t have expected.  Some would go on to create legacies or help others during their time of grief.

In the next group, these people grieved but got on with their lives fairly quickly after death.  Looking at their characteristics it was noted they were generally happy with their lives and their work fulfilled them.  Yes, they had deeply loved the person they lost but somehow, they didn’t lose themselves in their grief.

Death is about Finding You

It was then I recognized as I was doing my own healing work that the death itself became less about his death and more about finding me.

During our lives, there are many times we will be faced with many challenges and how to deal with them either brings you to your knees or you find a way to get up.  It is in the getting up that so many lessons are learned along the way that contributes to growth.  Life is structured this way and as humans, we are meant to be growing.  This growth then becomes one of the head and heart learning.  We need both if we are to develop wisdom and compassion.

Just knowing so many grieving a loss can lose their way or are unable to move on with their lives.  I wanted to let you know that you can heal your grief and go on to live an amazing life.

I understand first hand what it is like to lose a loved one.  This has taught me the value of empathy and compassion.  Over the years, I have developed tools designed to help and guide you.  If you recognize yourself in any of the categories described above.  Please let’s connect so I can share more about what I do.

Until then

Anne

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