Labels Don’t Define Us

"Too often we identify with our labels but labels limit us they are not who we truly are"

Labels Don’t Tell the Whole Story

Who you are is not defined by your name or even what you do in life for you are much more. Too often your self- worth is tightly tied to that of your work role or relationship label.

These are jigsaw parts adding color and meaning to the whole of who you think you are. You wear many roles and hats but they aren’t who you are either.

The Sum of the Whole

It’s through your roles and relationships that form the sum of your experiences that shape you.  The cycle of life continues as you grow older and change,  0ften adding new labels as you evolve into the next stage of your life.

Your name is used first to identify who you are and the clan you belong to. You become a son or daughter, sister or brother, girlfriend or boyfriend showing the world more of who you are.  Then you marry and a  new label of husband or wife is given, followed next by mother or father.

No Longer Five

I’m no longer a girl but my age puts me in the category of senior or elder but underneath I’m still me.  The same me I was at 5.  Somehow I got buried under the weight of the labels I used to define me or hide behind.  Doing so gave me a false sense of self-worth.

It isn’t until death or major loss occurs, the great equalizer and it doesn’t matter which label was used it doesn’t stop the cycle of life from occurring.  Underneath we are all too human and with any loss, grief pays a visit and stays for a while, perhaps even a long while.   It is during this time that we have an opportunity to shake off our labels as we are brought to our knees, for truly what do they matter?

A Crisis in Identity

We call out “who am I” when the label no longer fits.

A crisis in identity occurs when we allow our self-worth to be defined by labels.  It is so important that we take care not to do so as our labels can easily be taken away.

Relationships can define us but we can become lost in them.  Often meshing and melding with “others” in our lives to fit in. We do this also to be loved and feel loved.  Each time we do so another piece of us is lost.

When someone or something is taken from us we hurt, we’re upset and a temper tantrum at the injustice is thrown.  It is now we must learn how to live our lives without the person and our label attaching us.   This is your opportunity to rediscover the YOU underneath.  The one that got buried living life.

You may feel broken and worn down by this experience but there is a part of you that is always whole, is always you.  It is simply waiting to be discovered again, dusted off and brought out into the sunlight to play and to dream again.

This is what grief coaching does, it helps you find YOU after a loss.

If you’re ready to explore – please call me.  Let’s talk because your life is waiting for you but needs your participation.

 

 

 

 

Addiction, Shame & Grief – Interview with Sarah Roberts

Whenever we’re faced with challenges in our lives, it can be easy to give up.  Its a choice, it’s your willingness to work through them and heal.  It is then your greatest gifts and passions show up.  You don’t have to hit the proverbial “rock bottom” before deciding this isn’t working. It can be one event that triggers the need for some other direction in life to be taken.

In the interview, We Cover…

How Sarah’s need for connection, to fit in led to addiction.  Her recovery through healthy food and entering grief when her dad, mentor, and supporter died. Sarah Roberts, a TV host, and producer speaks openly and from the heart, about subjects many find hard to talk about.

In this open and candid interview with Sarah, we delved into these topics:

  1. How and why her passion, cooking and creating using real, whole foods began.
  2. Her purpose is Sarah’s successful One Bite at a Time (OBAAT) coaching helping others find freedom from food, sugar, alcohol, and body image issues that have kept them stuck.
  3. Shame helped her create her own healthy life-style and how speaking about her own shame gives others permission to own their own.
  4. We are wired for the need to connect and what this need is creating in our children in our social media reality
  5. Sarah’s own journey with grief when her dad died suddenly.  How she and her brother have coped differently over his passing
  6. Her thoughts on the statement readily used in Society “you never get over your grief”
  7. Good self-care is necessary especially when you are struggling with your appetite.  Some suggestions of what foods to include in your diet and why.

To listen to this episode in the Let’s Talk About Grief Podcast – you can from Apple Podcast download it here 

or here if you prefer Spotify

 

Grief Inventory – 5 Areas it Affects

5 Areas Grief Effects

Psychological

Emotions

What are you feeling?  Do you have bouts of sadness, increased anger, fearful, guilt/shame what ifs, could/should have?

Thoughts

Difficulty concentrating, forgetful, overwhelmed, confused, thinking the same thought over and over?

Feelings

Do you feel empty inside, in despair, lonely, even helpless, yearning for something but you don’t know what? 

Physical Body

Check in with your body now and see if you are experiencing: low energy, general body pains, tightness in your chest or throat, dizziness, sleeplessness, digestive issues, weight gain or loss, low libido, frequent colds?

Spiritual

Are you religious, do you have strong beliefs, participate in rituals and traditions, have strong connections or are you blaming the church or the God of your understanding for allowing whatever has happened to have happened?

No faith, but have strong beliefs in life, have your own philosophy and spirituality that you can draw comfort from?

Social

Do you have good social and family supports? Do you find yourself withdrawing or isolating from them?  Are you less social than you were? Do you prefer your own company now? Is your love relationship becoming strained with more conflicts than before? Fewer friends and family members around due to a move or the family home being sold?

Society’s Attitudes

These are the myths and beliefs, you believe to be true but have never questioned i.e., it just takes time or you never get over grief are just a couple of examples.  Do people avoid you, embarrassed because they don’t know what to say or they feel uncomfortable around you.  You share your story but they are more interested in sharing theirs.  Friends/Family or well-meaning people see you as a project in need of fixing?  They avoid you because you share your story too frequently?

Now turn to the Grief Inventory Chart and check off the ones that are applicable to you.  I am sure you were not aware that a loss, could have such an effect on so many areas of your life?

 

You probably long for the time when you can tell your story without feeling the pain, and have your joy of life to return so you can live it to the fullest.  Just know that you can, it is a choice.  Are you ready to make a commitment to yourself and your life?  If, yes, let’s connect so you can begin your journey.

 

 

Here is my email anne@reconnect-from-grief.com and looking forward to hearing from you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grief in the Workplace and at Home, A Male’s Perspective

There are many accounts of how the death of a loved affects us judging by the number of books available on the subject.  It seems the very act of writing about our experiences is a way to not only help us make sense of our journey.  The real motivation to us is giving hope of helping others.

This was true for author R.Glenn Kelly, who has written the following books: I cried in the Shower; the Grief Case, Grief Healing 365 and Grief in the Workplace

Our Interview

During our time together we got to hear about Ron’s personal grief, and how he was finally able to move into his grief after his conversation in a dream with his son 6 months after he died.

There are not too many men willing to talk about their emotions, however, in this interview, Ron gives us this insight.  Yes, indeed Men and Women do grieve differently.  Ron himself was once accused of not loving his son enough because he appeared not to be grieving.  His insights and words can be helpful and healing to any man.

During his research into grief, he discovered stats outlining the high cost to Companies.  Stats such as $100 billion in

lost productivity and how 1:4 employees could be experiencing grief.

His Mission and Legacy is now to help other Companies understand the effects of grief on its employees and how leaders can create compassionate and safe workplaces that don’t cost a dime as he says.  A startling stat he discovered during his research was the cost of grief in the workplace costs annually $100 billion.

Other Topics Discussed

  1. Nature versus Nurture
  2. Disenfranchised Grief
  3. Loss Productivity Stats
  4. AEP Programs Underutilized & Why

To learn more of what was discussed tune in to the latest Episode of Let’s Talk About Grief

Perfectionism Paralysis

I pulled this inspirational card today and it spoke volumes to me.  I’m the perfect example of perfectionism.  So much so I get into perfectionism paralysis!

It was no wonder that when it came my time to grieve, I’d worry if was I doing it right!

“There is no right way, I was told.  Everyone’s journey is unique and we get over our grief when we do”.

Ok, my nursing background kicked in and I thought.  I cannot imagine a doctor telling a patient that.  How helpful would that be to the person with cancer or heart disease?

No, indeed they wouldn’t, instead, they outline the prognosis and the journey they have evidence in seeing for patients with the same diagnosis.  Then they give helpful information for what they can do to help the person heal or suggest potential cures for them.  They are offering them HOPE.

This indeed is what I do, I offer, my clients Hope that they can heal their heartache and move through their grief. I offer helpful information and assist them to plan their own healing journey.

It isn’t about forgetting their loved one, or that they didn’t love them enough if they heal.  It’s about showing them what is possible when they work through their grief with guidance and support.

If you are curious about what grief coaching can do for you, please connect with me.

Healing from your grief is about moving your loved one into your heart and out of your head.