Perfectionism Paralysis

I pulled this inspirational card today and it spoke volumes to me.  I’m the perfect example of perfectionism.  So much so I get into perfectionism paralysis!

It was no wonder that when it came my time to grieve, I’d worry if was I doing it right!

“There is no right way, I was told.  Everyone’s journey is unique and we get over our grief when we do”.

Ok, my nursing background kicked in and I thought.  I cannot imagine a doctor telling a patient that.  How helpful would that be to the person with cancer or heart disease?

No, indeed they wouldn’t, instead, they outline the prognosis and the journey they have evidence in seeing for patients with the same diagnosis.  Then they give helpful information for what they can do to help the person heal or suggest potential cures for them.  They are offering them HOPE.

This indeed is what I do, I offer, my clients Hope that they can heal their heartache and move through their grief. I offer helpful information and assist them to plan their own healing journey.

It isn’t about forgetting their loved one, or that they didn’t love them enough if they heal.  It’s about showing them what is possible when they work through their grief with guidance and support.

If you are curious about what grief coaching can do for you, please connect with me.

Healing from your grief is about moving your loved one into your heart and out of your head.

 

Poems from Beyond – Interview with Liza Ferrara DeStefano

Grief is universal, but individually we all have our own unique way of handling our grief.  Liz Ferrara DeStefano found very quickly after the death of her father, her own way was to create poetry.  The words would come to and the poems were born.

Liza wonders if she did grieve enough, she feels she did, her heart no longer broken, admits she feels sad and does miss her Dad but the poetry helped her process her loss.

These are some of the topics we covered

  • How soon after your Dad’s death did you discover your creativity had been awakened?
  • What is it about this activity that worked so well for you?
  • Have your poems helped your family members?
  • How many poems have you written?
  • You are now a published author
  • Did you publish them as a legacy to your Dad or as part of your healing journey?

Liza’s poems not only helped her with her grief but have helped others she has shared or written them for. In creating her poems she feels she is connected to her Dad and this brings her comfort

It doesn’t always have to be painful or anguish but a quieter letting go, and into acceptance.  When you listen to Liza’s story, you will find that family connection, closeness and supporting each other are what helped this family navigate their loss, their Dad, a husband, and grandfather.  They are all changed in many ways and these changes have brought the family closer together.

 

 

 

Dr. Sarah Kerr, Soul Passages – Interview

Dr. Sarah Kerr is a Death Doula and a Ritual Healing Practitioner and in the interview, she shares her work with death & loss and how she helps others in their process at a soul level.  Sarah states that “life gallops forward” and she helps to bring their soul along.  The body and soul can sometimes get separated especially in times of sudden death, it is a primal shock to the person.  It takes ritual or psychosocial support to help the person and soul accept and let go.

Here are some of the topics discussed

1. The scope of Dr. Sarah Kerr’s services at Soul Passages

2. How to have a good funeral and why you need one

3. Why honouring your family lineage is import

4. How parents can help teach their children to be comfortable around death and dealing with grief.

Dr. Kerr speaks compassionately about her experiences with death, dying and illness. Sarah speaks softly and with such dignity when she shares stories from her clients and families experiences.  Her very presence of quiet authority, you know she is a person you’d want to support you during this time of transition.

https://www.soulpassages.ca/

 

 

Bell’s Let’s Talk campaign is on to

Yes, Indeed, Let’s Talk

This truly is a brilliant way to have us talking about Mental Health which affects so many and what better way to bring a topic that has been in the shadows for so long out and shed light upon it?

Let’s come together to find ways to help each other cope with depression or schizophrenia and the myriad of other symptoms our Mental Health professionals deal with daily.

One way is to talk about it so that the stigma of having a mental disorder is lessened.  There are so many people suffering because they don’t want to Talk about It out of fear and shame. Time for less judgment.

Clearly more needs to be done but this is a great way to create awareness.

Long-standing Grief & Depression

Another awareness I’d like to create is how grief can add a person to this ever-growing list for those requiring professional help.  Grief if not dealt with can result in severe depression or suicide.  It can sap a person’s life for years after the death occurred.  Grieving is a full body response weakening the immune system and causing health issues.

Not everyone grieving will end up with severe depression or with the symptoms outlined above.  However, that is yet another topic to be discussed and explored.

As science advances unlocking the knowledge to help explain why some mental health issues occur can we then take steps to help prevent the onset.

Mindfulness, breathing, exercise, walking or journaling are some of the tools being used.  Reframing and working on mindset are yet others. Eating healthy and getting more sleep.  Learning to relax and taking days off our electronic devices are just some examples of techniques being implemented or suggested.

Giving our brains a chance to daydream and take time out is another.

However, nothing is ever quite as simplistic and if you feel you grieving and have been for a while please seek professional help.

Regardless of grief, reach out to someone you know and talk to them about what you are noticing.  A simple kindness, someone to speak to can make the world of difference.

 

Please let’s talk……..

 

As a grief coach, I am available. Please Chose life and Chose you because we are all here to make a difference in someone’s life.

 

 

Home is Where the Heart Is

When the Heart Has a Home, the Home Has a Heart

Or so the saying goes………

Mine physically right now is in one location however parts are scattered at the opposite ends of the world to where my adult children live!

In one way this makes sense to me why I’d be so scattered and thrown off kilter right now.  This is a new phenomenon for me.  I guess my heart is thawing more as I grieve the loss of connection with them.

A connection that was renewed and strengthened as both were home for a good part of the holidays and the New Year celebrations.  Truly a first and was a treasure and a delightful gift to spend so much time with them instead of the customary week.

Funerals the Catalyst for Homecomings

It has been a while since we were all together as a family in this way.  It would be for the funerals of their grandparents, a very sad occasion.  A bitter sweet one at that.  Indeed, you realize, it is times like these, the importance of support and the bonds that hold families together.

Granted, this time it was a major challenge that brought us together again but thankfully not a family death.   We did however do what families do, close ranks, come together.  We’d put our collective heads together to help and support one another.  There was lots of laughter.

As a grief guide and mentor, I am acutely aware that grief is not only reserved for death but occurs for many other losses also.  It is there for any endings.

I knew this would be the case as we ended our time together.   During each goodbye as they left to pick up their own lives, I knew I’d be left with a sadness and a sore heart.  These feelings and emotions I know only too well to be the signature of grief.

How do I cope?  Well, I allow the tears to flow and the happy memories to drive the tears. I acknowledge and allow the tears and sadness to flow.  They never last too long.  Then I go about my daily chores until a reminder of their visit comes to mind and off I go again.

I welcome the grief as I know only too well where there is grief then growth is not far behind. I will learn to call those parts of my heart back to me once more to make my heart whole again.  Instead of sending pieces of my heart to be with them, I will send my love and energy instead.