My Journey Begins
I didn’t realize, my story and my journey were about to begin. Our loved ones will always be there, we believe. Really it isn’t something we readily think about as we go about our usual busy lives. Life flows from one day into the next with almost uninterrupted routines we have put in place. Until one day when something happens, an event that can totally turn your world upside down. Then you pay attention to the fragility of life.
This is how it was for me, the day my dad was no longer available to me; the day he passed away as I was on my way to the hospital. Life for me at that moment suddenly slowed down as the shock and numbness took over.
With nothing else left for mom and I to do, we left the hospital, but to do what – carry on our lives as before? Not really, that is a process that would take time to filter through. For now, we were dealing with moments.
It wasn’t until we were outside the hospital, that the suddenness and strangeness of the day suddenly took on a bigger picture. I began to notice the everyday traffic moving on the highway. People going about their business, chatting, laughing. I was confused.
I just wanted to scream! “My Dad has just died” then thought, “how can they go about their business as if nothing has happened.” Of course, this event had happened to me, our family, not them. I didn’t scream, I just swallowed and crammed the feeling and emotion back inside. Being British, it was time to practice that stiff British upper lip; besides mum, I knew would have been mortified.
I held tightly onto Mum’s arm as we crossed the parking lot to the car. I felt invisible to all those around us. We were alone and in shock.
Death had never been this personal for me before. I didn’t know how to cope. My nurse training had helped me be comfortable with death but not the emotional side, the grief.
My journey to find answers began with my healing. Then research, coach training in loss and then by writing all this down in a book to guide others to find their way.
Who would have thought that these words “You never heal from grief, or you never get over grief” would provide me with the stimulus I needed to step into action and eventually out of my grief?
You see, the nurse in me couldn’t accept that fact for I had witnessed people heal from all kinds of surgery, illnesses, broken bones mending. Even seeing one person who was told they’d never walk again – walk out with the help of a cane! My nursing had shown me what was possible. So how could I possibly believe that statement?
This event happened to me a number of years ago so I’m may not that far ahead of you. Since publishing the book, our mum died and is now buried with her husband of 64 years. I have processed two deaths fairly close to each other with support from others. Grief is not an alone activity.
I did my grieving work and made my way back to life. A life granted without my parents, it isn’t the same life but I’ve created a different one. I was determined to make the most of my one precious life and not waste it in grief. I don’t believe for a moment my parents would have wanted me to either.
Of course, I still miss them and wish they were here. However, I know it is in the acceptance that this is all part of the life cycle. One day I also will be mourned by my children. For me, it is important that I teach and model for them how to grieve. How to be comfortable with death and dying. Something we do not do well in our culture. It is up to us now as the elders in our family for our teaching continues until our last breath.
Thank you for finding my website and reading this to the end., I’m certain you too are looking for answers. If you are ready now and wish to understand more about the grieving journey and how to cope, then let’s connect to see how I can guide you successfully through this rather confusing overwhelming time.
Looking forward to connecting with you soon. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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Your Grief Work is Complete!