From my earliest recollections I always wanted to be a nurse. My primary motivation was to help others feel better. At 21, I achieved this goal. However, life decided if I were to really help others, I would be required to learn through my personal life experiences. The main ones were “how to navigate and heal from loss”. This learning came from many areas “the loss of hopes and dreams of two divorces, job loss, the death of two beloved Old English Sheepdogs, loss of family and friends when I moved from my place of birth to England and then to my new adopted country. The biggest loss for me was the death of one of my parents. It was this experience that taught me the most and it changed me in many ways. Instead of running from the pain as I had during my 1st divorce, I had to face this one head on and work through it the best I knew how. My foundation had cracked, I was no longer satisfied with my life, my job and was grateful to have the opportunity to retire early. Just four days later, I came across information about Aurora Winter and the Grief Coach Academy, the seed was planted. This is how I truly could help others. As I learned I completed and healed any lingering grief during my time there. I gained my certification earlier this year.
I was always sheltered as a child from anything considered “upsetting” by mum. Consequently, I did not have the tools I would require when confronted with heartache. Despite being a former nurse, I did not know how to cope when Dad died. That day is forever there, slowly fading into the memory banks but I share it with you here to show you that I have walked this path just a little ahead of you. I am here to say that you can heal from your grief. Just like a broken bone needs to be supported and given 6-8 weeks to heal, a broken heart requires the same support and perhaps a bit more time. Just know with support and the right tools you too will soon be smiling again. My mourning lasted 3 months, by six months grief was still present at times but I was getting back into my life. One year later it came back as we went into the “1 year” anniversary. In my book, I share with you how to plan and navigate the 1 year events you will no doubt face.
This is a page from my book – Grief’s Abyss, Finding Your Pathway to Peace.
“I wanted to scream! My Dad has just died, how can you go about your business as if nothing has happened. This event has happened to me, our family, not them. I didn’t scream, I just swallowed it and crammed it back inside. Being British it was time to practice that stiff British upper lip or better still Stay Calm, Carry On and have a cup of tea!
Carry on we did, mum and I crossed the parking lot to the car feeling invisible to all those busy people around us. We were alone.
Death had never been this personal to me before, I didn’t know how to cope I unraveled and ended up in the depths of utter despair. Down the rabbit hole I went without any guidance of how to get back up. I did what I do best when in pain, I research, I read, I need to know, to understand the whys, the how’s and what to expect. There seemed no clear guidebook or map. I even sought professional help – he was baffled as to why I was reaching out now only weeks after the event. I too could not verbalize what I needed or wanted. This grief was so different from the grief experienced when I went through my marriage breakdowns. Then the research was easier as there were many books written to help with this. Any books that I did find on grief, were not helpful. They either suggested that “time will heal” or made bold statements that said “you will never get over the loss” I certainly did not feel comforted by any of this. I was not surprised if this was what the books at the time were suggesting then no wonder many people got stuck in grief”.
According to an article reported in Time magazine, it may take a widow an average of 5-8 years to heal from grief and this is far too long. I heard about this article when I did my grief coach training. From the research I did for my book, millions of people each year will experience heartache of some form. It has never been recognized just how debilitating grief can be. Hundreds of hours are lost to industry as people continue to work and cope with their grief on their own. To many will often end up sick.
Make a conscious choice today, to become committed to healing your grief and don’t put your life on hold longer than required. I have found it is your thoughts and beliefs that can keep you stuck. Please take action!