Divorce – a Disenfranchised Grief

In our society, we readily acknowledge that grief follows after a loved one dies. It is expected and accepted but this isn’t the case when the couple divorce or a long-time relationship fails.  They are not given the same compassion as the person whose loved one has died.  Grieving after a relationship fails is rarely acknowledged even by family, friends.  We know that it’s awful and the person will get over it.  Unfortunately, this is not the case as guest expert Diane Valiquette will attest to.

In this episode, you will learn:

  1.  There is so much more to grieve than the relationship itself
  2.  How divorce/breakup grief is more painful than the death of a loved one
  3.  Why grieving a relationship loss can go on for many many years
  4.  The mistakes couples can make when dating again so soon after the divorce/breakup
  5.  A more realistic timeframe to wait before dating to ensure a happier outcome
  6.  The difference in emotional grief experienced by a Dumper or Dumpee
  7.  The biggest mistakes couples make in marrying without testing the relationship or having a clear   sense of who they are
  8. Why so many marriages fail today
  9.  The harm inflicted on children of divorce and what can be done to avoid
  10.  Discover if believing in “the one” is fact or myth
  11.  The secret to living happily ever after

This episode is available on the Lets Talk About Grief Podcast streaming on Apple or Spotify.  Click the link to listen.

 

Finding Life after Loss and Healing

Finding Life after Loss and Healing

When Death Happens

Outside the day was filling up with its “normal” that of “getting on with life”.  Right now, my life was anything but normal as mum and I left the shelter of the hospital to cross the parking lot toward the car.  Sadly, once in the vehicle, it would speed us away from the hospital where a dad and husband lay.

Where was help when you needed it the most I thought.  I realized no one was coming to save us. I had to be the protector now for mum.  Up until this point it had been Dad’s job. Looking back, growing up both my parents had fiercely protected my sister and me to the point I really didn’t know how or what to do at this moment.  Dad had always been there to ask.

What to do and Figuring it out

Clearly, we weren’t prepared for what we would have to go through and face as a family or alone with our grief.  Somehow we muddled through.  We had to for there was no mentor or guide, it was a “figure it” out as you go along routine.

To begin with, there was help via the funeral folks but after that, we were very much alone.

For me, it was a struggle, I was overwhelmed by life, emotions, and feelings.  Alone, I would journey for a while until I did find help.  I was fortunate, with my nursing background I understood death but for the rest, it was my holistic friends I turned to and relied on to ease my pain.

My Quest into How Others Heal

Over time I wondered, how did others heal and journey through their grief?   My quest began and would be answered only when I did my own research.  Frankly, many people didn’t.  During the search I read about people becoming stuck in their grief, pining and longing for their loved ones.  They would lose their vitality and their own lives as a result.  It was as if they too had died alongside their loved one.  This was tragic.

There were many more people like me who do eventually find their way back to life.  Their lives forever changed as they learned to adapt and grow in ways they couldn’t have expected.  Some would go on to create legacies or help others during their time of grief.

In the next group, these people grieved but got on with their lives fairly quickly after death.  Looking at their characteristics it was noted they were generally happy with their lives and their work fulfilled them.  Yes, they had deeply loved the person they lost but somehow, they didn’t lose themselves in their grief.

Death is about Finding You

It was then I recognized as I was doing my own healing work that the death itself became less about his death and more about finding me.

During our lives, there are many times we will be faced with many challenges and how to deal with them either brings you to your knees or you find a way to get up.  It is in the getting up that so many lessons are learned along the way that contributes to growth.  Life is structured this way and as humans, we are meant to be growing.  This growth then becomes one of the head and heart learning.  We need both if we are to develop wisdom and compassion.

Just knowing so many grieving a loss can lose their way or are unable to move on with their lives.  I wanted to let you know that you can heal your grief and go on to live an amazing life.  To guide you I have developed an online membership group to mentor and guide you through your grief.

I understand first hand what it is like to lose a loved one.  This has taught me the value of empathy and compassion.  Over the years, I have developed tools designed to help and guide you.  If you recognize yourself in any of the categories described above.  Please let’s connect so I can share more about what I do.

Until then

 

Anne

 

 

 

 

Grief in the Workplace and at Home, A Male’s Perspective

Grief in the Workplace and at Home, A Male’s Perspective

There are many accounts of how the death of a loved affects us judging by the number of books available on the subject.  It seems the very act of writing about our experiences is a way to not only help us make sense of our journey.  The real motivation to us is giving hope of helping others.

This was true for author R.Glenn Kelly, who has written the following books: I cried in the Shower; the Grief Case, Grief Healing 365 and Grief in the Workplace

Our Interview

During our time together we got to hear about Ron’s personal grief, and how he was finally able to move into his grief after his conversation in a dream with his son 6 months after he died.

There are not too many men willing to talk about their emotions, however, in this interview, Ron gives us this insight.  Yes, indeed Men and Women do grieve differently.  Ron himself was once accused of not loving his son enough because he appeared not to be grieving.  His insights and words can be helpful and healing to any man.

During his research into grief, he discovered stats outlining the high cost to Companies.  Stats such as $100 billion in

lost productivity and how 1:4 employees could be experiencing grief.

His Mission and Legacy is now to help other Companies understand the effects of grief on its employees and how leaders can create compassionate and safe workplaces that don’t cost a dime as he says.  A startling stat he discovered during his research was the cost of grief in the workplace costs annually $100 billion.

Other Topics Discussed

  1. Nature versus Nurture
  2. Disenfranchised Grief
  3. Loss Productivity Stats
  4. AEP Programs Underutilized & Why

To learn more of what was discussed tune in to the latest Episode of Let’s Talk About Grief

Type A Paralysis

Type A Paralysis

I pulled this inspirational card today and it spoke volumes to me.  I’m the perfect example of perfectionism.  So much so I get into perfectionism paralysis!

It was no wonder that when it came my time to grieve, I’d worry if was I doing it right!

“There is no right way, I was told.  Everyone’s journey is unique and we get over our grief when we do”.

Ok, my nursing background kicked in and I thought.  I cannot imagine a doctor telling a patient that.  How helpful would that be to the person with cancer or heart disease?

No, indeed they wouldn’t, instead, they outline the prognosis and the journey they have evidence in seeing for patients with the same diagnosis.  Then they give helpful information for what they can do to help the person heal or suggest potential cures for them.  They are offering them HOPE.

This indeed is what I do, I offer, my clients Hope that they can heal their heartache and move through their grief. I offer helpful information and assist them to plan their own healing journey.

It isn’t about forgetting their loved one, or that they didn’t love them enough if they heal.  It’s about showing them what is possible when they work through their grief with guidance and support.

If you are curious about what grief coaching can do for you, please connect with me.

Healing from your grief is about moving your loved one into your heart and out of your head.

 

Poems from Beyond – Interview with Liza Ferrara DeStefano

Grief is universal, but individually we all have our own unique way of handling our grief.  Liz Ferrara DeStefano found very quickly after the death of her father, her own way was to create poetry.  The words would come to and the poems were born.

Liza wonders if she did grieve enough, she feels she did, her heart no longer broken, admits she feels sad and does miss her Dad but the poetry helped her process her loss.

These are some of the topics we covered

  • How soon after your Dad’s death did you discover your creativity had been awakened?
  • What is it about this activity that worked so well for you?
  • Have your poems helped your family members?
  • How many poems have you written?
  • You are now a published author
  • Did you publish them as a legacy to your Dad or as part of your healing journey?

Liza’s poems not only helped her with her grief but have helped others she has shared or written them for. In creating her poems she feels she is connected to her Dad and this brings her comfort

It doesn’t always have to be painful or anguish but a quieter letting go, and into acceptance.  When you listen to Liza’s story, you will find that family connection, closeness and supporting each other are what helped this family navigate their loss, their Dad, a husband, and grandfather.  They are all changed in many ways and these changes have brought the family closer together.

 

 

 

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