Addiction, Shame & Grief – Interview with Sarah Roberts

Whenever we’re faced with challenges in our lives, it can be easy to give up.  Its a choice, it’s your willingness to work through them and heal.  It is then your greatest gifts and passions show up.  You don’t have to hit the proverbial “rock bottom” before deciding this isn’t working. It can be one event that triggers the need for some other direction in life to be taken.

In the interview, We Cover…

How Sarah’s need for connection, to fit in led to addiction.  Her recovery through healthy food and entering grief when her dad, mentor, and supporter died. Sarah Roberts, a TV host, and producer speaks openly and from the heart, about subjects many find hard to talk about.

In this open and candid interview with Sarah, we delved into these topics:

  1. How and why her passion, cooking and creating using real, whole foods began.
  2. Her purpose is Sarah’s successful One Bite at a Time (OBAAT) coaching helping others find freedom from food, sugar, alcohol, and body image issues that have kept them stuck.
  3. Shame helped her create her own healthy life-style and how speaking about her own shame gives others permission to own their own.
  4. We are wired for the need to connect and what this need is creating in our children in our social media reality
  5. Sarah’s own journey with grief when her dad died suddenly.  How she and her brother have coped differently over his passing
  6. Her thoughts on the statement readily used in Society “you never get over your grief”
  7. Good self-care is necessary especially when you are struggling with your appetite.  Some suggestions of what foods to include in your diet and why.

To listen to this episode in the Let’s Talk About Grief Podcast – you can from Apple Podcast download it here 

or here if you prefer Spotify

 

Finding Your Life After Loss

New Closed Facebook Support & Mentorship Group

Finding Life After Loss is an online support & mentorship group to show you the healing power of grief and the ways it reconnects you to your life.  The purpose is for you to begin seeing and believing what is possible as you journey to find your new life after any loss.

By joining this group, you’ll have an opportunity to learn and understand the grieving process and how to navigate through it.   Each month a different topic of information will be presented through our Facebook Live sessions to offer you this guidance.

With the knowledge you’ll gain, the guidance and the support you’ll receive within the group will soon have you finding your inner harmony and joy that is currently eluding you.

Your Membership Includes

Personal workbooks, tools, and tips are available within the Facebook group.  You’ll also have an opportunity to practice the new information as we move through each topic presented.  The information material is available in the membership area and can be downloaded before each session.  These are yours to keep.

Within the group, there is an opportunity for live coaching during the Q & A’s and if you have any questions, these can be posted ahead of time or during our Q & A time together.

The Sessions Themselves

With each monthly Facebook session, you will obtain new knowledge and gain personal insights around the subject of grief and how to move on.  Each session is 1 hr long and via Facebook Live. Two weeks later there will be a monthly Q & A session.

We will be discussing a different topic each month.  A small sample of topics covered is listed below. If at any time you have questions or concerns about where you are in your journey or what is coming up for you, you may post in the group or directly to me.  The site is monitored and I will be able to help you with your questions and concerns.

Topics Covered

    1. Looking at Grief Through the Lens of Change
    2. Tools & Tips for Painful Thoughts
    3. Your grief Wheel – How Does it Work?
    4. Finding Balance – What it Means to You
    5. Understand the Neutral Zone
    6. Physiology of Grief & Its Effects
    7. The Critic Within & Its Sabotaging Ways
    8. New Beginnings – Working Towards
    9. Finding and Discovering Your New Life
    10. What Matters Most & Creating a Plan

Discover the Benefits

By joining and actively participating in the group, you will realize the many benefits which include but are not limited to:

  1. Understanding and belonging, friendships and feeling supported in the closed Facebook Group
  2. Learn how being supported and not isolating helps your healing journey
  3. Discover the grieving process and how it affects you, gives you the knowledge that helps to lessen your fear
  4. What grief and guilt are about and that they can diminish when you understand them better
  5. Discover how changing your thoughts and beliefs you can bring about healing sooner
  6. Find out how to lessen the resistance and allow for your healing journey
  7. Know what can hold you back and receive tools to show you how to move through sticky moments
  8. Connect to yourself fully through the exercises and tools you will receive
  9. Learn what your needs are and why it is important to ask or know how to get your needs met
  10. When you learn not to fear death you discover how to live a much fuller life

Who is This Group For?

If you have experienced a loss and are struggling to cope; you are not actively grieving but life feels dull and grey.  You are unsure of what to do next?  Your life has come to a crossroad. You have difficulty making decisions; frequently feel overwhelmed; perhaps are struggling at work or it no longer holds your interest.  Activities that brought you joy no longer do. You’re tired of feeling drained or being constantly sick; family and friends are telling you it is time to move on; You know there must be more to life than this.

I have recognized and valued the support and mentorship I received when I experienced loss followed by the intense and sometimes distressing emotions and feelings that are lumped together in one-word Grief.

There is much misinformation circulating and being passed along that isn’t helpful and you’ll discover for yourself why it isn’t.  Society has ill-prepared us for when death, divorce or other losses are experienced.  Often it is this misinformation that can keep you stuck in your grief.

Through my health background in nursing and grief coaching I saw how the body is capable of miraculous healing, so why not in healing our grief also?

I believe no one need suffer for years endlessly isolated and made to feel like an outcast by family or friends because you are still grieving.

Here you will find like-minded supportive people as you navigate your journey through grief.

Interested and would like to join?

If you are ready and want to understand and discover a healthier way to move through your grieving time, please sign up now for this monthly online support & mentoring group Finding Your Life After Loss. You can do at anne@reconnect-from-grief.com

This is an opportunity for you to get support, be seen, be validated and acknowledged for who and where you are in your journey and be with like-minded people who are compassionate.  This is a no-judgment zone.

Your investment is $47 monthly and you can cancel any time. You can join in at any time, the information is available together with the online video’s right on the Facebook group site. You can work at your own pace after the information has been presented.

Interested but are unsure whether this is right for you or you have further questions?  Then please get in touch and we can discuss this further. Email me at anne@reconnect-from-grief.com

I look forward to traveling with you as you journey and discover yourself and Your Life After Loss.

Thank you and here’s to your new beginnings, full of infinite possibilities that will take you to your independence and freedom.

 

Anne

 

My Best Friend’s Funeral

How I Supported my best friend through her end of life transition – Jane Jackson Soul Coach and Energy Practioner (to read more about Deborah & Jane’s journey together here is the link)
https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/28498-my-best-friends-funeral

When Faced with Difficulty

What do you do, when your best friend is diagnosed with MS and possibly has two years to live?  This was what Jane was faced with and this interview is about their journey together.  Jane did what you would expect of a good friend, she jumped in to support her in so many ways.  Helping her with daily living, supporting, planning her funeral together and dealing alone with the rawness of it all.

This journey was an emotionally charged one, instead of closing down they remained open, vulnerable and available to each other.  Jane never judged her friend or tried to talk her out of it when she heard she was choosing suicide to end her life.  For Deborah, wanted to leave on her terms and not be defined by her illness as she progressively got weaker.

However, the is an interesting and heartwarming twist to their story.  One that will have you questioning “Is the choice to die really ours to make” or is there something more powerful at work here.”

Listen now to their story.

 

Summer went out in a Tornado

How was your Summer?  I do hope you were able to get away for some downtime and recharge?  It certainly was a hot one……..

A Friday Night to Remember

The last breath of Summer left us during the storm last Friday evening ushered out by 6 Tornado’s here in the Ottawa region.  The result of the storm plunged many into chaos as the power went out in homes.  across the region.  This was a small inconvenience compared to the people whose homes were destroyed by the storm.  The winds tore off rooftops, downed trees, and power lines, scattering debris over roads impeding travel and rescue efforts.

Neighborhoods Destroyed

It would take several days for the extent of the damage to reach the public’s awareness.  When it did, those watching were totally stunned and shocked by the devastation in many areas around our region. I’m certain there were a few hands over mouths as they took in the pictures they were seeing.  Trees on top of cars, rooftops gone leaving their contents visible and exposed.  Large trees on top of family dwellings.  Large power poles snapped in half downing the wires they were carrying.  One main power station feeding so many homes in the area was just another casualty of the tornado.

Grieving Enters

I couldn’t help thinking of how this external event could be linked to grief.  A death happens and throws everything into chaos. The once familiar becomes unfamiliar and how we mourn for what was.  A similar picture was unfolding.  Many were looking forward to TGIF, cooking super and relaxing at the end of the workweek, except for many there was no power and for others, there was no longer a home.

How quickly we can take people and places for granted.  In a blink of an eye, it can be taken from us and we are truly powerless.

The Clean-Up Begins

It is not just the homes that will need rebuilding or tearing down but the clearing of so many damaged trees.  The landscape is forever changed.  Everyday living last week meant restocking of fridges, and freezers after throwing out wasted food.  The rebuilding of their lives begins.  How did people cope knowing they would soon have to return to work?  How could you possibly be productive when your life is in chaos?

When a death occurs, you remain busy, stoic powering through the endless tasks and then when it is over you discover you’re not coping well, you are in mourning.  This is what those individuals affected by such loss will be experiencing.  The effects are not always apparent in the early days, however, once the shock and busyness wear off many will require close monitoring.  For signs of PTSD, severe stress and mourning.  This is when they will need support.  After the army of volunteers have left leaving them to cope on their own.

Reach out and Support

Just as first responders were there helping, grief counselors were also present.  Advising those affected to speak about what happened and to ensure they take care of themselves.  Good advice, however, when you are extremely stressed as they will be, it is hard to settle down.  Sleep when you are extremely stressed is normally the first to be disrupted and is so needed.  They may be unable to relax and feel agitated.  Making decisions may even prove a challenge.

If you know someone affected by the events of last week, please take time and invite them for coffee with you.   Take time to allow them to share their story with you.  No need to fix, just listen and acknowledge what they say.   This simple act can be healing.  Please don’t talk about your experience or share stories of someone you know.  This is not helpful.  Just listen.  If you don’t know what to say “say that”.   The important step is to allow them to talk and share.

I do hope you and your family were all safe and your power was restored quickly?

Take Time to Prepare

Truly how prepared are we for life’s challenges?

It takes something like mother nature to show us just how unprepared we may be.  Especially for those big events such as a death or loss that challenge us and stop us in our tracks. Much like the storm did.

This made me reflect on my mission to help others to not fear death and the grieving process that follows on its heels.  As a grief guide and coach, I am here to support and can help you understand the process so you will be prepared and know what to do.

Just as many people, I’m certain will be preparing to ensure they have certain supplies in place. Perhaps including a generator, definitely stocking up on candles or flashlights. A battery radio was recommended so you could be updated for the next time the lights go out!

 

Does Grief End?

When Does Grief End?

If grief follows the natural sequence of life wouldn’t it stand to reason that there is a beginning, a middle and an ending or does it spiral continuously throughout one’s life?

This is a great question and one that will be different in each case.  For some, they never get over grief but rather learn to live with it.  This is sad because they are not living their lives to its fullest and rather just making do.

Then there are those who believe it will end when it ends.  Research has shown that if you allow yourself to grieve and be with it – then the heavy grieving where you are consumed by tears on a daily basis does begin to subside after about 3 months.

A Family’s Grieving

Let’s look at the question from the point of view of a young child whose has lost her father to death.  Depending on the family dynamics the grief can become prolonged as it goes underground and presents itself later in life at different moments in time.  This was the case for the person who first asked me this question?

I didn’t get the opportunity to delve deeper so what I’m writing now is pure speculation.   Often it will be hard for a widow with children to find time to grieve.  She now has more responsibilities and has to take care of everything including the family.  Her grief can be put on hold.

Perhaps she isn’t comfortable grieving in front of the children so will stop herself if they are around.  They may even hear her crying in her bedroom and wonder why?  Children are amazing and will pick up on this and believe they did something wrong so it’s their fault.

When a child believes this, it can create conflict within them. They don’t know how to deal with these feelings.  To help themselves cope they may develop bad behavior or rebelliousness to help them feel better.   There is the other extreme where they withdraw and try extra hard to always do the right thing. They become good girls or boys.

Growing Up Without Dad

Regardless of how the loss was dealt with or how well they moved on with their lives, their grief may resurface at different times and for different reasons. It is often the milestones in life that tug at our hearts.  Such as, when a young woman marries and is inconsolable at the thought that her dad won’t be by her side.  Or when her children are born, and she realizes her dad will never know them.  These situations can cause her to feel her loss acutely once again.

A young boy may feel resentful of his friends when he sees them with their dad.  Or when his friends are playing sports or going on trips.  It can be at these moments he feels the emotions but doesn’t know how to handle it.  Crying isn’t an option, especially for boys.  Those painful feelings may arise again when he buys his first car or when he buys his first house and it needs fixing.  He can feel the loss of his dad all over again.

So, to answer the question, does grief ever end?  It does end after the first event “the death” itself.  The other losses are the firsts & seconds that I warn my clients about when they face these transitions through their life.  Being aware of them doesn’t stop us from feeling these losses but what it does do is prepare us so that they don’t overwhelm us and we can plan for them.

Life is a series of losses and with each loss comes an opportunity for growth and learning.
This is how as humans, we evolve into expanded versions of ourselves.  If it weren’t for loss when would growth and new learning occur?

Grief then is the alchemy turning our lead into gold and is as much a part of life as birth.

We must welcome in our grief as much as we welcome in our joy.  Grief and Joy walk hand in hand just as surely as grief has a beginning, a middle and end like all emotions if they are given space.

If you’re still wondering if your grief will ever end, I have a solution and I’d love to chat with you more about it.  Please email me at anne@reconnect-from-grief.com and we will set up a time.